Feedback and Plans

Thank you so much Professor, Caitlin, and Francesca for such encouraging and helpful feedback! I’m motivated to continue working on my draft and can definitely see where your comments are coming from. All three of you gave me extremely similar feedback– which really lets me know that these are things I need to work on to make my ideas more clear to my readers! The most important comment relates to structure and organization. In my draft, I organized things in a way that would help me figure out my plan, but I can also see that because my ideas are complex and the two areas I’m trying to connect aren’t connected already, I definitely need to work on making my paper come together with a more clear and easy-to-follow structure. Like Hayot says, after writing this draft, I’ve noticed that structure is something I can work on and having something written out helps me see that. I didn’t realize how challenging it would be to connect unrelated ideas and show my readers how I see the situation. Caitlin also suggested working on stitching, which I think will be really helpful with tying my newfound structure together. I think my favorite piece of advice from Hayot is the Uneven U, and I definitely want to use it within my paragraphs and for my paragraphs’ organization as I revise. I think one of my hardest jobs with this paper is to keep developing my ideas and bringing them back to my main point. And Hayot’s piece on clustering really opened my eyes to establishing some core ideas in the beginning that I can refer to, instead of expecting my reader to draw out my ideas as I continue complicating without regrouping.

With establishing the Uneven U, I think that this will help me clear up any overcomplicated wording that I have. I tend to write really long sentences and I feel like my writing is always either too casual or too overly “fancy,” so I think breaking these sentences down and really figuring out what each one is doing will help me make things clearer. I think also now that the scary part of filling a blank document with words is over, I can relax and make sure I’m writing as myself and that my excitement for my topic comes through. Professor and Francesca also suggested that I find several more sources, specifically about mental illness over time, and I think that’s a great idea– because I know that that was lacking in my paper, and it’s pretty much the main source of evidence! Good news is that Hacking’s Mad Travelers came in the mail Friday night– literally right after I submitted my draft. But I can start reading it and work on including Hacking’s research in my next draft. I’ll also work on finding a few more sources and see if they help me too! Thank you again for such helpful and motivating feedback, and I look forward to working more on this project! It’s definitely not as scary as it originally was. HAPPY HOLIDAYS/END-OF-FINALS!

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